Family

What's mine is mine.

2006-08-20T02:41:00.000-07:00

The last week we have had a major issue, well to me anyway. We have five computers in the house, each young adult has a lap top of their own. I have a desk top one and Adam has two lap tops, one he brought with and one we paid half. He likes to use mine for various things he can't very well use either of his, but he still has trouble getting up before twelve lunch time. So I set the rule that he could only use mine if he was up before twelve lunch time. He didn't keep to the rule or my wishes, I would go to bed and later in the night come down and there he would be on my computer, I would explain again that he wasn't down before twelve he doesn't get to go on it, his reasoning is that no one was useing it so he didn't see why he couldn't. Claire would then explain why he shouldn't be on it. It has taken over a week to get him to understand that he shouldn't touch something that belongs to someone else without permission. He thought the....not using my computer was a silly rule and it was because I said so, he thought that I was being awkward and it wouldn't make a difference to him getting up. We had the issue of doing what I asked because even though I may not make sense to him it was still my house and I could set what rules I like. It is my computer and I get to say who uses it and who doesn't.
Claire and Ben have been brought up to respect other peoples property and other peoples wishes concerning their property, and that I don't make random rules up for no reason. See we have three issues here,
1, I was with holding something from him to encourage him to get up earlier.
2, He has to learn that he can't use other people property without permission.
3, People don't make rules just to annoy him.
The other day I had to deliver my Avon and as Adam had made a good effort to get up before twelve I allowed him to use my computer, I think he was down by one. He had been playing on it for some time as I had been busy most of the day getting my Avon ready. I told him I wanted my computer back when I got home from delivering the Avon. When I got back I was in a lot of pain with the authritus and I was having trouble moving. I was in two minds to watch a video or play on my computer I chose to play, I asked him to get of the computer so I could play Sims2, he wouldn't budge and told me to go away. I explained that I was in pain and had said that he had to get off when I got home, I had already allowed him to have it because he had made an effort to get up earlier. But he wouldn't budge, even Claire had said he should get of, I was so annoyed all that talking didn't do a bit of good, he still had no regard for me or my property, he was having a good game and that was all he was concerned about. he didn't care that I wanted it or that I had already allowed him to use it. I went to bed and cried. Did I cry because of the pain or because of his attitude? I don't know, I think both. I thought about what sort of person is he that has no regard for other peoples wishes, and no respect for other peoles rules and then to blantently tell me to go away, as though I am some annoying bug. But he gives the impression of being selfish and single minded, what he wants to do is the only thing important to him, he has a hard time to grasp what others want or the fact that they may be entitled to it. He had no right to be on my computer when I asked for it, he had plenty of warning that I would want it, he had already been allowed on it two days in a row for making an effort in getting up earlier. If there was a way to make sure he doesn't have acces to it at all I would do it. I think it is imperative that he learns to accept other peoples wishes and rules even if it doesn't help him and benifit him. The thing is because I had banned him from it he was making the effort, and Claire was insisting that they go to bed earlier so a combination of the two and it was making some effect. His mother once said to me that she felt like pulling her hair out sometimes because of him, and now I know exactly how she felt.
Claire explained that he sees things differently, but she did explain to him that she thinks showing and being respectful to others is very important, if he wanted to continue in a relationship with her then he would have to learn to respect others even when he doesn't understand why or it doesn't benifit him. She doesn't like his behaviour either in this regard and she often tells us both to be quite and tells him to get off my computer.
The last two days he has been ok about not going on my computer without my permission but I think that may be due to the fact they are both in bed with flu, so he hasn't had the desire to use it, But I am dredding when he is better and we go through the same thing all over again. It really does upset me, that he can't understand how important respect is, he was in the habit of poking me when he wanted information that I didn't want to give, but that has all but stopped thankfully. If and when he gets work outside the house he will have to obey the rules of the workplace even if he doesn't agree or like them, he will have to show respect to his boss and work mates even if he doesn't like them and he thinks there all idiots. He will have to show respect to Claire even when she says something or does something he doesn't understand or like. But he has no problem respecting Claire. Just me and the rest of our family.
I know that a trait of Aspergers is a lack of respect to others and single mindedness, but it can be learnt to some degree if not completely, Ben and Claire have respect for me and can show it to others, to Claire respect is very important in her relationship with Adam and her relationship with others, and it's important to her that he learns respect. Ben has a problem with it to some degree in the work place, but he isn't disrespectful, he just has a problem with heirarchy. Harvey has been taught from childhood about respect and his mother was very firm about it.
I am sure Adams mother tried very hard to teach Adam resept. I don't know about the boarding schools he went to, I get the impressin it was somewhere to be untill he was old enough to leave. But if you see a woman walking along the road pulling her hair it will probably be me or someone with an Adam at home.

Update

2006-06-10T02:26:00.000-07:00

Claires exams are almost over, one more and she is done till September when she starts her A level courses. She is well liked at College by the tutors and the kids and she enjoys her classes.

Adam is finally getting some programming done, it seems that his customers are getting anxious to get their web site up and running.

A+C bought a tent a while ago and plan to go camping in the summer.

This weekend we are all going to London for Harveys parents ruby wedding anniversary. We are going on the Friday and coming home on the Monday. Unfortunately we all have to stay in seperate places. Us at Harveys mum and step dads, Ben with his uncle and aunt, and Adam and Claire in B+B.
I'm looking forward to the trip down Portabelle road market on the Saturday.

We watched Four weddings and a Funeral last night which I personally think is a great film. Aferwards the three young ones got talking about A and C wedding, their idea of a stag-hen night is friends bring their lap tops and connect them all up and spend the night killing zombies lol.

I mean what do people with Aspergers do at such get togethers? talk via MSN?
There is an Aspergic group that meet once a month, maybe they can make a few friends there who they may also be able to invite.

It seems that their friend Tim will be able to come to the wedding after all, he has a new job with IBM and can now afford to come all the way from America. I can't wait to meet him.

Plans.

2006-03-03T02:44:00.000-08:00

We watched an Alfred Hitchcock film last night, The Birds. This film terrified me when I was younger. But last night I was able to watch it all the way through with no ill effects.
Afterwards Harvey went to bed and we all stayed up with hot chocolate and talked.
It seems as though after their week of not talking on MSN Claire realised how she felt for Adam, and was worried that she may have feelings for him but he wouldn't have feelings for her. It seemed that he did and he spent the week depressed. Neither thought that the other wouldn't want to talk again.
It seems they spent about a week afterwards talking about how they felt and what they were going to do about it. They decided that they would remain friends and when they finally have their own places to live would start courting then. Adam was concerned that while she was at University another young man would 'poach her' his exact words. They spoke about this last night. Claire explained that the likelyhood of her being chatted up and knowing it were very remote, to be extinct. He felt bad because as he said he would be over a hundred miles away.

I am so happy he is here, it would have been aweful for them both, knowing how they feel for each other and being so far apart. They are so happy together, and their kissing progress seems to be going really well, lol.

It seems as though his depression has lifted, or his just hiding it well. I think it isn't as bad as it was anyway.

Tony Attwood

2006-02-08T11:43:00.000-08:00

I bought the book 'Asperger's Syndrome - A Guide for Parents and Professionals' on Monday and finished it today, definately a good book to read about Aspergers Syndrome. All the way through I could see my children and husband. It even mentions the collection of smartie tops.
Ben as a small child would collect Smartie tops and would be hoping to get a complete alphabet, he ended up with two alphabets and several tops to spare. I knew that my family were different but the book explains to me why.

It talks a lot about social behaviour. When the children were younger they wanted to have friends, but they didn't know how to make friends. They didn't know how to communicate with other children. Going up to another child and starting a conversatin with them was alien to them. I remember edging my daughter on, "Go and talk to ..." But she didn't know how. "Just say Hi, how was your holiday." etc. This she would do sometimes, but then when said and answer given she would come back to me. She didn't know how to continue the conversation. And our son would speak with older ones. They never joined in play with other children. We would visit a family who had 6 children, and Claire would follow them but not join in their play. Ben would wander about the house usually with his tape measure measuring everything. Before we would leave Claire would be in a quiet corner reading her book. Or playing with one child in the child's bedroom playing with toys.

Language skills, They both learnt to talk quite quickly, but Ben hardly ever spoke, Claire never seemed to stop speaking. Because they were so well spoken people thought they were older than their years. Claire is very pedantic in her speach and some think she is a snob. Ben isn't pedantic but he does speak well. And it's always worth listening too.

They also had no trouble joining in older people's conversations. I was thinking about this last night and I remember explaning to my parents that the children are allowed to be out spoken. Because they were being taught at home they had complete freedom of speech. If they were going to be with me all day then they had a right to express themselves. I also seemed to allow them to interrupt me when I was talking with someone else, I didn't stop this interruption till they were nearly 6 years old.

Literal interpretations; Claire used to wonder why I would say "Goodnight sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite." Apparently I thought there were bugs in the bed, that they wanted to bite her, and that there was somehow something she could do about this. She found it quite confusing.

Modulation... I'm not sure about this. My sister-in-law says Claire has a monotone voice, but I can hear some inflections in it as I can with my son and husband. But others who don't live with them may not.

Processing Auditory Information. This does drive me mad, because Claire does have trouble with this, and I suspect so does Harvey, he nods as though he has heard but then he comes out with something completely different.

Interests and Routines. Harvey's interest is the Bible, 25 years of married life and I just got this. Claire's interest is Psychology and Ben's is computers and IMDB, a film site on the internet. But through their lives their interests have changed. Claire used to collect dinosaurs, toy animals, lizards, Polly Pockets. Then came information about dog training, then dog psychology. Every book from the library to do with dogs was taken out by her and she read all of them.

(To be continued...)

Tell Tale signs.

2006-02-03T12:52:00.000-08:00

Ben has always had a problem with getting to places on time, his view is as long as the work is done or as long as he gets there whats the worry. He can't see that it's important.
The last three months he has been working for a computer company, training in the building of them and setting them up to be sold. It takes him an hour to get there, but he never leaves with enough time to get there on time. He stays up late on the computer and usually falls asleep on the sofa for an hour before going to bed. It doesn't matter that we have told him the folly of his ways. Well he just got told that the company doesn't want him back and part of the reason is his lateness. As well as he has been arrogant, now Ben is never arrogant, outspoken with respect yes, but not arrogant. But It seems this is another aspie trait, outspoken about something that interests them and having trouble with those in authority.

Sometime ago Claire was telling me about the time when she was doing her NVQ business studies, she was working in the headquarters of the fire service. One day she was sitting having lunch and was talking with the chief officer. Now she had heard him talking with another man about creation verses evolution I think it was, and Claire had joined the conversation. She hadn't been asked but just joined in. And was talking quite frankly as though he was just anyone else. When Claire got back to her office the other women were confused that she should speak so frankly to him, he being the chief officer, but she was more confused. She didn't understand about heirarchy and neither does Ben. I can see this is going to be a problem with him when finding work.
He will be getting training in his communication skills.
When Adam heard what Ben had said about work and his review, he said to me later that was Aspie traits. I think I can truthfully say I live with four Aspies, They are all far more intelligent then me, and far more logical then me. I sometimes wonder if this is a blessing or a headache.
Honestly I love them all, but do they have to be so pedantic?

Crossed connections.

2006-01-31T12:14:00.000-08:00

Never approach a sensitive Aspie with the words
"I want to speak with you."
What you should say is
"You're not in any trouble, but I want to speak with you."
Then he won't be getting anxious wondering what you are going to be complaining about, while you sit and wait for him wondering where he is.
That happened yesterday morning.

Now I used to think I had everything sussed, I knew what was what and not easily decieved and I don't take fools at all.
Little did I really know.
Now the issue comes up just how much do I let them do, and how much should I explain to them for my own peace of mind. Last week we woke to find that they were both fast asleep in Claire's bed. This was a bit of a shock. It seems they had just fallen asleep. The next thing Adam knew Harvey was putting his head around the door and did a double take. So I had to explain that there was not to be any sleeping together. Now if you know of Aspergers you will realize that I just missed out on some important information. And they were just asleep, with no sexual activity. So a few days later I was surprised to find Adam on her bed again, well I thought they were taking liberties and I felt I was being led like a fool.
"We were just talking." Was Adam's response. "You said we couldn't sleep together, we weren't."
I realized just how precise I should have been. I explained that I didn't want him on or in her bed at all at night, rather than just not being asleep.
I have found that when conversing with them it has to be clear with nothing missed. That they take things literally and as said. I have also learnt that I should be very outright with what I have to say, I find this hard and grin stupidly from being so uncomfortable with it, but I think they appreciate I am trying. I also find it hard to repeat what one has said to me, they much prefer quotes, but I havn't got a photographic memory. Claire says it's the meaning in what was said which is important but I still get it wrong. So I will let the other quote it, much easier for me.

Sometimes I feel as though it is me who is just slightly to the left of anything that is said, I used to use this quote for Harvey but I realise it is me, they all understand each other, it is me who is different. Now I know why I escape to my mum's for a week, to get some NT interaction, what bliss.

Update

2006-01-26T12:47:00.000-08:00

Adam has been here a week and a half, it seems as though he has always been here.
He has recieved some refusal letters for work but it's early days. It seems he's very good with computers especially web developing, something is bound to come up eventually.
Adams teaching Claire to play the keyboard and she isn't bad. They spend a few hours most evenings practicing.
It's strange but their space issues seem to be passing quite quickly and their doing the same things that courting couples do except they discuse and analize everything first. I've been told not to talk about their relationship so all I can say is it's going well.

Our son seems to have a harder time with the adjusting because he wants a girlfriend, so he has some jealousy issues to sort out. But he is also pleased for them both.
We're still looking for a larger house, I did say it would be far easier if they just got married, but they want to wait till she has done her A levels, and he has a decent job and they have somewhere to live. Which is a wiser course to take.
That's the update.

Affection

2006-01-18T02:28:00.000-08:00

Saturday 14th January Adam had something to ask me, well they both did, so they MSN me, even though Claire is in the same room so is her father. They wanted to know the rules for decorum in the house? Will we allow them to hold hands etc. I had given this some thought and also had to think about what would we be comfortable seeing our daughter doing and being done too? So I laid down some rules. Holding hands is fine, hugging is fine, but any kissing has to be done in private. And they are not allowed in eachothers rooms after 11pm, and the bedroom doors have to be open. Also they are not allowed downstairs together after 11pm alone.
I also suggested that a few times a week they can prepare the dinner, this gives them more time to be alone.

Adam also appologized profusely that he had told his mum a lie, and this is what happened..... She came in his room one night and threatened to disconect the internet, he pleaded with her not to saying that he was speaking with ............ (Claire). She demanded to know who........... was. Now Adam's mum is of the impression that people on the internet are not real people. So he had to think fast.
"A girl from school." was his answer.
So he asked while on MSn if we would mind not giving the game away.
To be honest I thought it was rather funny and remember times I had to think fast to get out of scraps with my parents. So Claire had gone to this school, and we made up that she wasn't there long as she didn't like it. And if Adam's mum asks about it, then we explain we don't talk about it as it upsets Claire.

Sunday came and we waited expectantly for them to arrive. She seems a nice woman, I kept her occupied with small talk while she ate her bacon sandwich and cake, My husband being the aspie he is comes out with "So why did you're husband want to throw Adam out then?"
Please time undo what he just said.
"That is none of our business." I admonish him, then my son who has this aspie trait comes up with.
"I'd like to know too."
"No we don't ask such personal questions it has nothing to do with us." I emphasize.
back to small talk and she leaves with a thank you for taking care of Adam.
Pheww we can all breath and the school didn't even get mentioned.
The first thing I do is send the two love birds out with Gemma (Claire's dog.) I know they want to be alone. Having shown no more interest then two aspie friends.
That evening after dinner they sit together holding hands, "I don't think she minds." Claire's voice whispers.
"I maybe Nt but I had noticed, and I don't mind." I answer.
"What about dad though." worryingly asked.
"He'll be fine."
and he was, thrilled would be a better word.

Monday Claire went to college and I showed Adam how to find the college so he would know where to go if he wanted to pick her up. We also had other things to do. Like the job center. But first we picked up Claire, now Nt's would welcome a loved one with a hug, not these two, with a restrained distance, this irked me. I told them I hope they weren't behaving themselves because I was there.
Well that broke the ice and they held hands.
Because of disability I ride a disabled persons scooter/ cart. So when I say walked, what I mean is they walked I rode.
Throughout the afternoon they got from hand holding to arms wrapped around the other.
For two people with aspergers and space problems I thought this looks very promising, they trust eachother and enjoy the contact.
Yesterday Claire had an Exam and Adam was very worried about her, as soon as she came through the door he was there. I've never seen anyone move so fast. Then he sat her down and just held her, she snuggled down in his arms and after she told us about the exam they both went to sleep, still snuggled.

Thinking about this a day later, I realize that Adam had had a very strenous day as well, although he had been at home all day, writing his Cv, but he also felt he had to be polite and stay in the livingroom with us. For him this would have been too much.
Talking on MSn last night when they were both awake again and fed etc, she told me that Adam had felt it too much, so I explained that he can always go to his room or Ben's or her's, he doesn't have to stay with us.
The whole evening he had some physical contact with her, either his arm around her, or if she stretched to see what I was laughing at on my comp, his hand would be on her back. I finally completely understood, she is his life line, his balance, and she is loving it, loving him.
Claire explained that she isn't always comfortable with hugging so he is just as happy holding her hand and caressing her arm. (later he said it was stimming.) I explained that Nt couples do that too, it's a way of relaxing for both of them.
We are so pleased that Adam is patient with her and they are taking care not to rush the other, they do what is comfortable and they don't ask for more from the other.

Adam has gone job hunting this morning, then his going to meet Claire from college, they will have three and a half hours before her DR appointment. She needs a referal to be tested for Aspergers.

Tantrum

2006-01-06T14:42:00.000-08:00

I made dinner and served, now at the moment we don't have a table, something I sorely miss. With a table I can put the served plates on the table and everyone has their own place at the table, so no worries.
So I served and called them to get it, my husband is usually first to collect his but then he will wait till the kids have taken theirs. But this time, he comes in and I say "the white plate is Ben's with a cheese pie your's is the brown one with a steak pie."
Now he likes a lot of sauce and stuff on his, so he starts putting stuff on the white one.
"No," I say. "The brown one is your's." too late, He throws down the sauce bottle and storms off in a huff.
"You said the white one." he shouts.
like a five year old having a tantrum.
I swap the pies over so he can see, and hand him the white one.
"No," he says. "Mine is the brown one."
But Ben's is cheese and his is steak, it takes me a while to remind him of this and he takes it.
For the next five minutes he goes on about me trying to confuse him. I apologise for getting upset with him.
Another dinner time another day.

Acceptance.

2006-01-05T16:27:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd say a little bit about communication, communication with an aspergic person.
In doing so I'll tell you a little more of the way my husband thinks.

First he knew that Claire and Adam were good friends, so how do I go about explaining that their more then friends? It takes weeks, or would but I have two weeks. First I open up the subject of If, now Harvey has never been able to play the If game very well, and when we were newly married couldn't do it at all. All he could see was the now, not what may happen.
Now we can play the If game, but it can be hard, especially if it's something he doesn't like. Like his daughter falling for a guy with no religious believes at all, let alone not from our Religion.
So I start with, "How would you feel if Claire and Adam became closer then friends?"
Give him time to think, then all the religious differences come up.
"Well yes I agree with you, but we would have to respect her choice."
A few days later after talking the if dry, and the consequences of her choice, if she chose him.
We understand that she's an adult, and can choose herself. He grasps this.

Then "how would you feel if she went up to visit him with a chaporone?"
Explain that's it's better she has a chaporone, otherwise she will go on her own.
Another time for him to think about this.
Now is the time I wonder what I'm doing, am I being manipulative or just reasonable? I go for reasonable, because I am very good at the If game.

Last night he spoke about his worries of pushing them together by him living here,
I said "I think it's too late for that, have you seen the way they look at eachother, the fact that they do look at eachother, their besotted with each other."
"Yes I had noticed." he said.
Somtimes I find he notices more then I think, but he doesn't always put the pieces together.

We got to the stage this morning when Claire took the day off from college, a day to sleep late and collect herself, She picked up a stuffed dog and hugged it, Now I am known for this sort of behaviour but she is not, and I commented that what she needed was a hug from Adam, She replied that she did.

Harvey said I was being presumptious, "am I?" I answered.
And I could see the pieces fall into place.

Evicted

2006-01-05T14:29:00.000-08:00

Adam went home and as soon as he walked in was told by his mum and step dad that he has to leave, a few days later they handed him a letter explaining he had one month to move out.
It seems that they had argued less while he was away so blamed him for their arguments.

So where was he to go? A work friend had said that he could move in with him, but this would be for a short time, his work mate is NT. So he thought about the council but they can only offer him a shared house, again with NT men. As I have said Adam is quiet and doesn't make friends easy, and doesn't trust no one but Our Claire.
I knew this would be the case when he told her he had to leave. So of course I said he could move in with us?? We have a three bedroomed privately rented house, with one and a half bathrooms. For months we have said we need somewhere larger, so this has made us start looking quicker. At the moment Ben sleeps in the room that would be the dining room, so we eat off our laps in the living room. The third bedroom is so small that we had a bed with underneath wardrobe built in, with desk and shelves. My nephew slept there when he lived with us. But this won't do for a grown young man.

Adam thought he would be in the way, but we assured him he wouldn't be and we would start looking for a 4 bedroomed house straight away. Another blow for him is he was hopeing for a payrise from work,£140 a week is all he gets, he can't afford to rent with that let alone buy.
So he's moving in with us. I'll let you all know how it goes.

The visitor

2006-01-04T04:55:00.000-08:00

Well Adam came and I was taken with him imediately, tall very skinny and a wonderful smile. He is just a few months younger then our son so there both nineteen. Adam works with computers and by all accounts is extremely good with the programming side of things. I could see straight away that he was besotted with our Claire and her with him, but said nothing.

He slept in the little spare bedroom and would fall asleep as she did, and wake the same time she did. As though he was listening out for her.
He is very introverted and Aspergic, it took the four days before he felt comfortable to speak up to Harvey my husband, about a dispute Harvey and I had been having of the differences of bickering and argueing, Adam parents argue most violently, Harvey and I bicker with no ill intent.

Claire and Adam spent each day out and she showed him around our town, took him to the museum and the Old Manor House. Ben had a cold at the time so was unable to go with them. Which was all well and good as they had things to talk about.
Their relationship started ........ they got talking on a game site when she was fifteen, then lost contact while she took a year in College doing her GCSE, then met up again on another site. Now for about 8 months they have beed talking on MSn and they talk every night, and last July he came to a religious meeting, so thats were they met in person for the first time.

Claire decided that it would be good to have a week apart, so they didn't talk at all for a week. I realized then that she was falling for him, and I suspected him for her.

On the Friday night they were sitting together sharing her laptop, the first time they had actually sat together.

Now I am an NT so was surprised at the differences between Nt shows of affection and Two Aspergic teens, young adults. NT would not be able to hide their attraction for each other, these two could have taught the art of sneakiness, lol. But they are both wary of who they let in their personal space, yet they trust each other.
Watching them do eye contact was most amusing, they would look at each other when they thought the other wasn't watching them. And if they did catch each others eyes would smile then quickly look away. Claire isn't very good with eye contact at all, and when you are speaking with her, she will loose her consentration if you're looking at her, But Adam went to boarding schools and taught himself how to do the eye contact. She said she got him to stand still long enough so she could see the colour of his eyes. She said that it was weird, but she could look him in the eye and didn't feel uncomfortable at all.

He went home on the Saturday and she took him to the station herself.
The next day she asked how does one know when their in love?
I said "When you have to say goodbye and you want to cry."
"mum I cryed my eyes out."
She didn't come out with it very easy, like getting blood out of a rock, so she gave it to me in bits, first they are really good friends, then she really likes him, etc. It seems thats the way Aspies do things, less of a shock to the system, Finally she said that he had told her he loves her, and she said that she loves him to.
I have learnt over the years being married to Harvey that if I want to talk about something new I do it in stages, in little bits, so this is the method I used with Claire to get everything out of her to do with how she felt for Adam. I knew she had something to tell me but she also gave me bits. NTs like it all in one go, well I do, then I don't have to guess.
So eventually she told me their love for eachother.

My Family

2005-12-26T17:26:00.000-08:00

Nearly twenty years ago we became the proud parents of a son. When he was six months old I again became pregnant; this time with a girl. My husband has never been the easiest man to live with, sometimes I have felt that I have three children in the house rather than just two.

My husband grew up much on his own, allowed to travel to the seaside on a coach on his own from the age of eight. His elder brother had his own friends. So I thought he just never learnt to socialize, but he was caring and thoughtful, a pleasure to be with, so we got married.

Nearly four years later our son was born and life just got better. As he got older I noticed that he hated certain shops, he would screw up his eyes and cry. I always wanted to teach my children at home so started teaching him letters and numbers before he could talk. He was never jealous of his sister and they have always had a great relationship.

I remember one time when he had put all his toys around him and he was stuck, just sat and cried because he couldn't work out how to get out. But when the same thing happened to our daughter, she just moved them out of her way. So for many years I always thought he was the one with problems. We used to meet at a freinds house for a religious meeting and within minutes would have to leave because the light was too bright for our son and he would be in tears.

Only recently has our daughter found out about Asperger's, while talking to a friend on the internet. He suggested that she could have it as he has, he wrote a list of symptoms, she was surprised to find that she had most of them to some degree. Her dad and brother also have them. So the last four months we have spoken about their childhood, more hers then her brother's, because he doesn't want to be labeled.

She reminded me of the time we spent looking for her brothers dummy, he must have been about two and a half, before she could talk, she was sitting on the floor and could see his dummy under the sofa. Now what gets me is that 1, she knew what we were looking for. 2, she knew the word for sofa. 3, she didn't understand that we didn't know it was under there, 4 that for a child so young she even had these thoughts. She has told me many thoughts she has had through her life, yet didn't see the point to explain these things because she thought we already knew.
she would caress the corner of a cushion with her thumb when she was little, now we know it is called stimming.

Today we are expecting my daughter's friend to come and stay for a few days. His mum doesn't mind; she says it's nice he has friends.